I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
