i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
