Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
