sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
