Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
