did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize