I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
