Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.