he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
