I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize