gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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