i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I know her cup size but not her name....
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
