put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
