Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
