Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
