She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
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I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
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Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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