I just saw a hot homeless man
Where is the hickey?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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