Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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