someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
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So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
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HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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