Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us