Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
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New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
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She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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