He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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