these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
