You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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