Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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