he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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