I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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