After last night, I could never be a politician.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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