I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
