I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
