God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
false alarm, still single
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
