So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
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she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
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i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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