i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
