I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.