I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.