She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
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Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.