My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.