We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
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And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
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DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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