dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
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I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
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I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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