I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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