it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
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just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
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When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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