You can't special order awesome
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
