He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
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No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
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A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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