O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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