so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
