I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
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I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
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Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care