yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
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I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.