The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
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Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
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He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.