My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
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so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
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But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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