Texts From Last Night

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  (626): View more from California

  Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.

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  (626): Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome. http://tfl.nu/kgjr
  Replies (16) Good night (4295) Bad night (665)
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  (714): View more from California

  i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.

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  (714): i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing. http://tfl.nu/3dga
  Replies (12) Good night (527) Bad night (3536)
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  (209): View more from California

  do you want me to make hamburgers?

  (541): View more from Oregon

  i'm vegan

  (209): View more from California

  i'll put lettuce on them

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  (209): do you want me to make hamburgers? (541): i'm vegan (209): i'll put lettuce on them http://tfl.nu/hb72
  Replies (37) Good night (7552) Bad night (973)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.

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  (410): Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad. http://tfl.nu/536n
  Replies (22) Good night (1151) Bad night (3662)
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  (510): View more from California

  ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!

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  (510): ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE! http://tfl.nu/j6yk
  Replies (7) Good night (3439) Bad night (959)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.

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  (630): it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this. http://tfl.nu/3ewp
  Replies (11) Good night (4129) Bad night (1231)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right

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  (920): Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right http://tfl.nu/du0e
  Replies (24) Good night (6132) Bad night (701)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...

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  (412): im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs... http://tfl.nu/hk0q
  Replies (10) Good night (3304) Bad night (837)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.

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  (405): Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved. http://tfl.nu/fkxo
  Replies (4) Good night (1280) Bad night (670)
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  (916): View more from California

  I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished 

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  (916): I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished  http://tfl.nu/f0m1
  Replies (7) Good night (887) Bad night (578)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".

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  (713): You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress". http://tfl.nu/1fwn
  Replies (3) Good night (1246) Bad night (521)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches

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  (604): You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches http://tfl.nu/88ib
  Replies (4) Good night (611) Bad night (1229)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help

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  (780): Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help http://tfl.nu/jtky
  Replies (4) Good night (502) Bad night (990)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.

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  (317): btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets. http://tfl.nu/leo3
  Replies (1) Good night (508) Bad night (201)
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  (916): View more from California

  I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding

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  (916): I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding http://tfl.nu/cejl
  Replies (3) Good night (822) Bad night (184)

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