Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight

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(206): View more from Washington

Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.

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(917): View more from New York City

My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.

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(626): View more from California

he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(919): View more from North Carolina

I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.

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(815): View more from Illinois

you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.

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