phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.