I faked an abortion last night.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
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