Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
