Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.