Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I didn't notice because vodka
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.