im about as happy as oj after his trial
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.