i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.