he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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