He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
