I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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