That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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